Wake-Up Call
It has been a CRAZY two months! Since my last post, we celebrated two birthdays and an anniversary, spent about two weeks as a 1-car family, went out of town a few times, started N at kindergarten, and went under contract for a house!
With all the craziness going on (in addition to the ongoing struggles with anxiety and depression), it's been a little too easy for me to make my health less of a priority. I haven't exercised in several weeks. I've been eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and I haven't been tracking any food in the WW app. Most days, I try to justify it by saying things like...
"I'm too tired to exercise; I just need rest."
"I'm going to have this treat because I deserve it."
"I'm sad/angry/stressed, and eating junk food will help me feel better."
"I'll get back on track tomorrow." (Tomorrow never comes, though. In fact, the longer I stay off-track, the harder it is to get back on.)
And as if that wasn't enough, I've found myself getting really annoyed with my WW workshops (formerly known as meetings). Too many big, loud personalities all taking time and attention away from the topic at hand. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with having a big, loud personality. But when everyone in the room has to spend 25 minutes listening to a few people trying to be entertaining and only 5 minutes talking about something that's going to benefit the whole group, there's a problem. I'm sure the workshops are beneficial for a lot of people, but they're just not helping me like they used to. And since I haven't been using the app for tracking food or exercise either, I've basically been throwing money away every month. So I cancelled my WW subscription. Again.
I recently had a bit of a revelation: I'm always saying that WW is the only thing that has ever helped me get to a healthy weight and maintain it, and that's why I keep going back to it. But I reached my goal weight in 2013, and maybe too much has changed in the last six years. I know for sure that I've changed physically and emotionally; a lot of things that worked for me six years ago don't work for me now, and maybe WW is one of them.
One might consider this revelation freeing. I did not. Instead, I became discouraged. I began to have thoughts like...
"If WW can't help me, maybe nothing can."
"Maybe I'm destined to be overweight and unhealthy for the rest of my life."
"I should just stop trying."
And then T's birthday weekend came along.
We make a big deal out of birthdays around here. The birthday boy or girl always gets to pick a fun activity or two for the whole family to do together, as well as what to have for dinner and what kind of cake to have. T wanted to go hiking for his birthday, so we drove about an hour to Crowders Mountain. We picked a trail that was marked "strenuous," but I didn't really think much of it. I once hiked a trail that I didn't know was strenuous until after I'd hiked it, so I thought maybe this one would be similar.
It wasn't. Within 15 minutes, I realized that I needed to turn back. I couldn't catch my breath. My legs felt like they were on fire. At one point, I felt lightheaded and thought I was going to pass out. We ended up going back to the car and driving to a different access point with much easier trails, none of which led to the top of the mountain. T was so kind and understanding about it, but I was devastated. He didn't get to do what he really wanted for his birthday, and it was my fault. It was humiliating, and it was a major wake-up call. My excess weight and my lack of physical stamina are literally keeping me from having enjoyable experiences with my family.
New goal: get to the mountaintop by T's next birthday. "I should just stop trying" is not an option for me. I never want to ruin another opportunity to make great memories with the people I love.
So for now, I'm going to try to take this whole getting-healthy thing one day at a time, but I am going to be working on it. I'm not giving up. I have a mountain to climb!
With all the craziness going on (in addition to the ongoing struggles with anxiety and depression), it's been a little too easy for me to make my health less of a priority. I haven't exercised in several weeks. I've been eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and I haven't been tracking any food in the WW app. Most days, I try to justify it by saying things like...
"I'm too tired to exercise; I just need rest."
"I'm going to have this treat because I deserve it."
"I'm sad/angry/stressed, and eating junk food will help me feel better."
"I'll get back on track tomorrow." (Tomorrow never comes, though. In fact, the longer I stay off-track, the harder it is to get back on.)
And as if that wasn't enough, I've found myself getting really annoyed with my WW workshops (formerly known as meetings). Too many big, loud personalities all taking time and attention away from the topic at hand. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with having a big, loud personality. But when everyone in the room has to spend 25 minutes listening to a few people trying to be entertaining and only 5 minutes talking about something that's going to benefit the whole group, there's a problem. I'm sure the workshops are beneficial for a lot of people, but they're just not helping me like they used to. And since I haven't been using the app for tracking food or exercise either, I've basically been throwing money away every month. So I cancelled my WW subscription. Again.
I recently had a bit of a revelation: I'm always saying that WW is the only thing that has ever helped me get to a healthy weight and maintain it, and that's why I keep going back to it. But I reached my goal weight in 2013, and maybe too much has changed in the last six years. I know for sure that I've changed physically and emotionally; a lot of things that worked for me six years ago don't work for me now, and maybe WW is one of them.
One might consider this revelation freeing. I did not. Instead, I became discouraged. I began to have thoughts like...
"If WW can't help me, maybe nothing can."
"Maybe I'm destined to be overweight and unhealthy for the rest of my life."
"I should just stop trying."
And then T's birthday weekend came along.
We make a big deal out of birthdays around here. The birthday boy or girl always gets to pick a fun activity or two for the whole family to do together, as well as what to have for dinner and what kind of cake to have. T wanted to go hiking for his birthday, so we drove about an hour to Crowders Mountain. We picked a trail that was marked "strenuous," but I didn't really think much of it. I once hiked a trail that I didn't know was strenuous until after I'd hiked it, so I thought maybe this one would be similar.
It wasn't. Within 15 minutes, I realized that I needed to turn back. I couldn't catch my breath. My legs felt like they were on fire. At one point, I felt lightheaded and thought I was going to pass out. We ended up going back to the car and driving to a different access point with much easier trails, none of which led to the top of the mountain. T was so kind and understanding about it, but I was devastated. He didn't get to do what he really wanted for his birthday, and it was my fault. It was humiliating, and it was a major wake-up call. My excess weight and my lack of physical stamina are literally keeping me from having enjoyable experiences with my family.
New goal: get to the mountaintop by T's next birthday. "I should just stop trying" is not an option for me. I never want to ruin another opportunity to make great memories with the people I love.
So for now, I'm going to try to take this whole getting-healthy thing one day at a time, but I am going to be working on it. I'm not giving up. I have a mountain to climb!
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